Consider the Blessings

Kerry Hardy taught our Relief Society lesson today. It was based on President Monson's October 2012 General Conference address, "Consider the Blessings."

Kerry always makes amazing handouts for her lessons, and today was no exception. Ifyou really want an excellent summary of the lesson, click here to see her handout with some of the highlights of the lesson. I'm especially grateful for her handout today, since my duties had me leaving the classroom repeatedly, and it's hard to fully capture the spirit of the lesson--let alone take good notes--when you're not in the room.

Kerry said that from the very time that she heard which General Conference address she would use for her lesson, the song "Consider the Lilies of the Field" was in her head. Jolie Hill sang the song for us, and AnnaMarie Miller accompanied her on the piano. It is a beautiful song that captures so well how our Heavenly Father loves and cares for us. Jolie said that it was also a favorite song of hers and her husband's, especially during the time that he was serving as our ward's bishop. (You can see the lyrics on the handout or click here hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing the song. At the link, choose April 2009 and Saturday morning session from the drop-down menus. You can download a free MP3 file or listen online.)

President Monson encouraged everyone to "take an inventory of your life and look specifically for the blessings, large and small, you have received."

Terri suggested that you keep a journal of the promptings you receive, whether or not you acted upon the prompting, and what happened. If you do so, you will see that your life is so blessed. Kerry said that the Pontius family has been such an example to her. She felt their spirit and their strength when she visited their home. Kerry reminded us that the opportunity to be blessing to others often comes unexpectedly. Sometimes you think you're going to help someone, and they end up helping you even more.

Why are you here on this earth? Karen said it's so she can get everything from life that her Heavenly Father wants for her.

How do we get individual direction in our lives? Karen suggested prayer and the scriptures. She said the scriptures are "like a magical book" for her--different phrases or ideas just jump out at her when she needs them. Our patriarchal blessings are also a source of individual direction.

Tara said that one of her best family home evenings ever was when she taught her children about the pattern of the psalms using some of Neal A. Maxwell's teachings. Then each child wrote a psalm following the pattern of Nephi's psalm, which begins with a complaint but evolves to a prayer of gratitude. It meant so much to her to hear her children's thoughts and gratitude in such a poetic, spiritual way.

The Lord is in all of our lives. He loves us.

He wants to bless us. He wants us to seek his help.

As He guides us and directs us

and as He hears and answers our prayers,

we will find the happiness here and now

that He desires for us. --President Monson

Bringing Up Children in Light and Truth

Lisa Schoonover taught today's lesson. It was #22 from the George Albert Smith lesson manual, "Bringing Up Children in Light and Truth."

Parents teach their children by word and by example. When Edith Smith was a child, a streetcar conductor once missed collecting her fare. Young Edith was thrilled to keep her nickel and told her father about it. President George Albert Smith listened patiently but prompted young Edith to go back to the street corner and pay her fare when the streetcar returned. This lesson of honesty stuck with her all throughout her life.

How did President Smith handle this situation well?

• He didn't react with anger. He was patient instead of angry. ~Jana
• He called upon things Edith already knew; it was a reminder instead of a lecture. ~Marilyn

What have you learned about parents teaching their children?

• I was in the BYU Children's Choir as a child. I had a little change to buy some candy afterward. I only had enough money to buy one dollar mint. A man who was in line behind me bought me a whole bag of the chocolates. His example inspired me to want to do nice things for other people. ~Amara
• When one of my daughters was young, she was playing doctor with a friend, and I didn't handle it well when I found out. What I said hurt her feelings, and she carried a lot of guilt that she had to work through in counseling later. In retrospect, I wish I'd handled the situation better. We need to help our children build a postive self-image. ~Betsy
• Some farm boys in Idaho were throwing tomatoes at passing cars. A man whose car was hit went to tell their mother. The boys just knew they were in big trouble. Instead, the mother instructed her son to spank her "because I've failed as a mother to teach you the things that are important." The boy felt awful. Thinking about that experience made the boy choose more wisely in the future and made him a better man. ~Marquelle
• When my son was younger, sometimes I made him lunch and sometimes I gave him money to buy school lunch. He liked school lunch and decided to secure more meals for himself by swiping $50 from the place where I kept our family's grocery money. His teacher noticed the $50 bill and asked my son about it, and he told her I'd given it to him. She called to alert me to the situation. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy. I decided to go right over to the school and confront my son. I got to the playground, and my son noticed me coming. He ran up and said, "I know why you're here." I asked why, and he said, "You just came to see me play!" I looked at him, and he looked like such a little angel with his blond hair and his big, blue eyes. I just couldn't yell at him. I told him that yes! I had come to see him play. He was so happy that I'd come. I went home and prayed about what to do, and Heavenly Father helped me address the money situation in a kinder, gentle way. I was so grateful! ~Trena
• I went to the movies with a friend as a child. After the movie, my friend was instructed to call her mother and let the phone ring three times, then hang up & the mother would know that it was time to come pick her up. This practice bothered me because it was obviously a way to get around paying for the phone. We need to set a good example for our children. ~Cindy
• When my husband was a teenager, he had a great Scout leader who instructed him to read his scriptures every day and he would be protected and blessed. My husband followed his advice and has been so blessed by the scriptures. In May this year, my husband donated a kidney to his younger brother. He went without morphine because he was afraid it would make him too groggy to read his scriptures. ~Amanda

Do not leave the training of your children to the public schools. Do not leave their training to the Primary, to the Sunday School, or the [Church's youth organizations]. They will help you and make a fine contribution but remember what God himself has said, that parents who do not teach their children faith in God, repentance and baptism and the laying on of hands when eight years of age, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. See D&C 68:25-28. {Lesson manual, p. 235}

[I had to skedaddle the tithing settlement sign-up sheet down to the elders quorum at this point, so I missed a little bit.] Church auxiliaries build on what parents teach. They don't replace parents. Teresa commented that she and her husband had a son who drove them crazy. He wasn't a bad kid, but he was just hard for them. However, he had a Scout leaders who helped so much. Teresa feels they were instrumental in helping keep her son on the strait and narrow path. 

Lacey is closer in age to some of her nieces and nephews than she is to her siblings. Consequently, she gets to be the "cool aunt." She tries not to miss opportunities to teach her nieces and nephews about things like not dating before they are 16; sometimes the things she says go over better than the same things said by their parents.

A parent's example can lead a child to safety, righteousness, and happiness. ...Teach your sons and daughters how to live to be happy. Let our homes be sanctuaries of peace and hope and love. {Lesson manual, p. 238}

Love and teach your youth to safeguard them from evil. Study the gospel together as a family. Family Home Evening was instituted in 1915, and it's still a good idea.

Lisa concluded by saying that she is so grateful for her parents' teaching and also for her opportunity to be a parent--and now a grandparent. She hopes that her children, like those mentioned in the lesson, will say that she taught them well.

The Power of Kindness

Julie Wilkinson taught today's Relief Society lesson about the power of kindness. It was lesson #21 from the George Albert Smith manual. (You can click here to read the lesson on lds.org if you don't have a copy of the manual.)

Julie got our attention by announcing that she was going to start her lesson with a confession. Then she told us that she really doesn't like being cut off in traffic, especially on the freeway. She once tracked a guy down in a parking lot to give him a piece of her mind. What? Our sweet Julie? She says she's doing much better now. However, once when she was still sometimes less than patient with drivers, someone cut her off. She bit her tongue and didn't say a word. Then her son John chimed in from the back seat, "You idiot!" And she felt really bad for corrupting her son.

Julie said she has the world's kindest neighbors. When her husband hurt his back this year, Sally mowed the Wilkinsons' yard all summer. Roger cut down Russian olive trees and beautified their view of the lake. Janice weeded their yard. Stan removed the motor to winterize their water feature and put up shelves in their storage room. All these things were unasked-for favors.

Julie wants us to know that there is real POWER in kindness. The manual gave an example from President Smith's life when some road workers were doing a project in the heat of summer, and their language was pretty foul. Some neighbors asked them to please watch their words, even pointing out that the prophet lived nearby, to no avail. Then President Smith went out and spoke kindly with the workers and gave them some lemonade and invited them to take a short break in the shade on his lawn. Afterward, they went back to work carefully and peacefully.

Our church leaders are also an excellent example of kindness. This past week, they issued a dignified response to the presidential election.

Satan encourages us to criticize others. Why do you think it's so easy to be critical of people?

• We form judgments based on what we see and think. It's in our nature to think that we know how people should be. -Marilyn
• Sometimes you feel better getting a negative comment off your chest. Liz confessed she bought a bunch of cards that said, "Life, get one" and sent them anonymously to people who did something that bugged her.
• We erroneously think that people will change if we criticize them. -Terri

Mosiah 3:19 tells us that the natural man is an enemy to god, but it also tells us how to overcome our natural tendencies by yielding to the spirit. Terri commented that the consequences of yielding to the spirit are spiritual gifts--meekness, humility, patience, love, and the willingness to submit our wills to Heavenly Father's.

Julie shared personal experiences of receiving kindness from others during her three pregnancies. During her first pregnancy, she had an 18-inch blood clot in her leg and her life was in danger. During her stay in the hospital, Elder Maxwell came to the hospital and gave her a blessing and also put her name on the First Presidency's prayer roll. During her second pregnancy (with Jon), Sister Maxwell visited Julie when she was hospitalized during the month of December. During the middle of her third pregnancy, everything seemed to be going so well (for the first time) when suddenly and without explanation, her baby passed away. She was devastated, but was blessed, once again, by a visit from Sister Maxwell, who left her with a note that said, "Sweet Julie, I wept with you over your loss." 

These experiences inspired Julie to reach out to others who were going through difficult times. She had an older sister in her ward who had never married and who became very ill and was hospitalized during December. Thinking of her lonely time in the hospital, Julie went to visit and brought the sister a gift of pink slippers. She sister was so touched. Later, Julie visited her in her home when she was under the care of hospice--and there were the pink slippers on her feet. They meant so much to her because they were a gift of caring and love. Julie's pointed out that there's power in kindness and also in following the good examples of others. She wouldn't have thought to visit the sister in the hospital during a busy December had it not been for Sister Maxwell's visit to her and knowing how much that had meant to her.

President Monson said that the level of kindness we show in our lives is indicative of the level of Heavenly Father's influence in our lives.

What are the blessings we receive by being kind?

• Comfort -Trena
• It's something we can control; we can take the high ground and keep ourselves unsullied, even in difficult circumstances. -Tara
• It gives us an opportunity to see people as the Savior sees them. It gives our lives a better perspective and a more spiritual focus. -Jolie
• It brings the spirit into our lives and helps us build Zion. Kindness will rule in the terrestrial realm of the Millenium. -Terri
• It gives us an opportunity to bless others and receive their thanks in return. -Pat shared a story about how she and her husband helped a homeless man in South Africa named Mr. Duke. He was hospitalized with an illness, perhaps related to his hard living. They gave him rides, did his laundry, and paid for him to have a train ride home. Later, he sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers to thank them.
• Love for others, improved relationships, increased self-esteem, improved ability to praise others and see them good in them. -Julie

How do we become kinder? Amanda said we need to yield to the spirit. Julie agree that we should pray for help & let the Holy Ghost be our guide, fast, attend the temple, search the scriptures (especially examples of the Savior's kindness & patience), and wait upon the Lord with patience until his nature takes over. We can't change our own natures. Only the Atonement can fully change us.

Julie shared another experience. She was a Relief Society president, and one of the sisters in her ward didn't agree with something she did and really raked Julie over the coals about it, several times. Julie's feelings were so hurt and she was so upset. She prayed for months to be able to forgive the lady--and then one day, she woke up and the pain was gone, and she realized that she loved that woman. She knew it was through the Atonement that she was able to feel that way.

Elder Hales said that denying ourselves of ungodly behavior (such as unkindness) is the beginning of changing into the kind people Heavenly Father wants us to be.

Ether 12:27 says that Heavenly Father gives us weakness so we will be humble. If we are humble and have faith, Heavenly Father will make our weaknesses into strengths. If you're a mean person but you want to change, you can take it to Heavenly Father and He'll help turn you into someone nice!

Attitude of Gratitude

Sue Spencer taught our Relief Society lesson today. In keeping with our upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, the topic was gratitude.

When Sue's son Mark was young, he ran into a mailbox while riding his bike and needed stitches. Turned out he was riding with his eyes closed. Sue encouraged us to keep our eyes open, so we can see our blessings (and avoid the emergency room of ingratitude).

So often in the scriptures, we are urged to remember--remember the Savior, the blessings we receive from our Heavenly Father, the plan of salvation, etc. President Eyring encouraged us to remember the kindness of God as well. (Click here to see a talk by President Eyring. It may or may not be the talk Sue referred to, but it's a good one.) When we remember our blessings, we are happier and our testimonies grow.

[I wasn't sitting in the best spot to see everyone who spoke up during our lesson today, so some of the class comments I noted will be nameless. Please don't feel snubbed if you're one of the unmentioned ones. Thanks to everyone who participated!]

What does gratitude mean? To appreciate what we have, to feel thankful, and to share what we have.

What gets in the way of gratutide?

• Ego
• Bitterness (Lacey)
• Pride
• Selfishness
• Sadness (Karen)
• Envy (Cindy)
• Negative attitude
• Busy-ness of life
• Not being in the habit of noticing good things (Leslie)
• Feeling of entitlement (Betsy)
• Being too intellectual (Pat)
• Abundance
• Having a tiny perspective (Paula)

How do you cope with challenges that make it hard to feel grateful?

• Sometimes you need a reminder to refocus. Amara told how her husband took their boys out for a fun day at City Creek. They had a wonderful time, but at one point her son got lost and there was a bit of a scramble before he was found. Amara felt so frustrated that she hadn't been there to do anything about it, and she was upset with her husband. He reminded her that they had a wonderful day and that everything turned out well and that she shouldn't overlook all the good things that happened during that day.
• Sometimes you need to snap out of your "poor me, pity me" attitude. -Valorie
• "Count Your Many Blessings" (think of the words to the hymn) -Marilyn
• Look at what you have. Tavah went to McDonald's with her kids one day and she was feeling a little frazzled. There was another mom there with her four children, and Tavah made a comment about what a handful kids could be. The lady said yeah, she was struggling because her husband just left her and she was going through chemotherapy. All of a sudden, Tavah's children seemed a lot easier to manage.
• Have an "attitude of gratitude." -Pat
• Sometimes you want to run away or blame someone else, but instead you forge on. -Sue
• Maintain a sense of humor. -Liz

What does it cost you when you don't feel gratitude?

• Peace
• Missing the moment -Jolie
• The influence of the Holy Ghost (guidance or peace) -Melinda
• It impacts your family. You may miss out on family love, unity, or being a good example. -Marilyn
• It can affect your health. -Nancy
• Happiness & joy -Amara

Marilyn commented that when you have challenges or losses in your life, it's OK--necessary, even--to grieve. Having an attitude of gratitude doesn't mean you must be Pollyanna all the time. We do have struggles and serious challenges to overcome, and we don't want to disregard them.

 Sue said that the Christmas after her husband's accident, her children clamored for her to put up the Christmas lights. She didn't feel like doing it, but she soldiered on. It was difficult, leaving her in tears at one point. However, her children stuck with her and eventually they had lights. Her children we grateful for that little bit of normalcy, and she was grateful that she was able to provide it for them after all they'd been through together.

Take five minutes every day to reflect on your blessings. Allison said it's easier to focus on Heavenly Father when we focus on our blessings. Leslie added that doing so will build our faith--and that faith is what we can turn to in times of tragedy. Sue told how she was able to find blessings even in having an ant invasion one Christmas.

The Holy Ghost helps us see the light. Jolie told about her sister, whose husband was killed in a horrific accident. The sister was comforted by the Holy Ghost; she spoke at her husband's funeral and was able to comfort others. She felt that things would be OK.

Sue's daughter was called to visit teach someone new. She learned that sister was struggling with her husband, who had suffered a serious head injury. Having been through the same experience with her father, Sue's daughter was in a position to help that sister.

Sue had us close our eyes and think of three things we are grateful for. While we were thinking, she said that was the Holy Ghost, helping us think of those things.

Tara Smith sang "Count Your Blessings" from White Christmas. (Thanks, Tara!) The song talks about counting your blessings as you go to sleep instead of counting sheep. Click here for the Bing Crosby version.

Sue referred to four guideposts that President Monson shared with students during a BYU devotional:

• Glance backward.
• Look heavenward.
• Reach outward.
• Press onward.

During a hard time in her life, Sue had three signs hanging in her house that helped her get keep a good attitude:

• Focus on what's present, not on what's missing. 
• Whatever God's blessed you with, take it gratefully.
• Find joy in the journey.

Watch the Family Home Evening display outside the Relief Society room this month for ideas about how to teach gratitude in Family Home Evening. There are handouts that you can take home. Thanks, Allison, for putting those together for everyone.