Elder Perry shared a letter he'd written to his mother for Mother's Day one year when he was a young adult in military service. He expressed his appreciation for all the little things his mother did to show her love for him and to make their family life so wonderful. It's worth clicking the link to the talk just to read the letter. What mother wouldn't like to receive such a letter from her son?
Family culture was a big part of the lesson. Karen said that culture refers to a place where people do things commonly. The things that we do together and our perspectives on life make up our family culture.
Elder Perry said, "Our strengthened family cultures will be a protection for our children from 'the fiery darts of the adversary' (1 Nephi 15:24) embedded in their peer culture, the entertainments and celebrity cultures, the credit and entitlement cultures, and the Internet and media cultures to which they are constantly exposed. Strong family cultures will help our children live in the world and not become 'of the world.'"
Emily pointed out that the stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon were protected physically and emotionally by the family culture created by their parents, specifically by the teachings and examples of their mothers. (See Alma 53:21.)
Elder Perry listed five ways we can strengthen our family cultures:
- Pray earnestly for Heavenly Father to help you love, understand and guide your children.
- Hold family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Eat together as often as possible, making dinner a time of communication and teaching of values. (Emily commented that maybe at her house there could be a little more talking and teaching and a little less of "Why can't you try the chicken?" I can certainly relate to that sentiment!)
- Use the Church's support network.
- Share testimonies often.
- Organize our families based on clear, simple family rules and expectations, wholesome family traditions and rituals, and family economics that teach children how to manage money.
We discussed some of these ideas in class.
Pray earnestly
Elder Bednar has promised that when we pray, we will have an increased capacity to hear the voice of the Lord and to heed His guidance. (Click HERE to read Elder Bednar's October 2008 General Conference address.) Elder Holland has said that there is a "majestic, undeniable power in the prayer of a parent." (Click HERE to read Elder Holland's article. See also Mosiah 27:14.)
Vicky shared an example of being blessed by prayer as a parent. She has a daughter with cerebral palsy. When the daughter was 2 or 3 years old, she started having seizures. She got special medication, but the seizures got worse and worse, to a point where she was having a seizure almost every hour. It went on for months. One day Vicky prayed and felt the strongest impression to stop the medication, something her doctor would never have advised doing cold-turkey. It was a Friday, and Vicky stopped the medicine. Her daughter immediately started doing better. In fact, she only had one, small seizure all weekend. The next week, she went to the doctor and another doctor was filling in. He recommended changing the medication for her daughter, and she was OK after that. Vicky knows that our Heavenly Father knows what's best for us, and He can help us in His own way.
Share Testimonies Often
During the stake Relief Society activity earlier this month, Colleen Terry talked about using "the language of faith" in our homes. We are promised blessings for exercising our faith. During that meeting, Annette Bradshaw bore her testimony. Before she began speaking, she caught Emily's eye. Emily said she can't remember what her mother said, but she knew her mother loved her and that's why she was sharing her testimony with her and making it personal. Emily commented, "It's just a part of me now." We can do that with our own children, showing our love for them by sharing with them what is in our hearts.
Leslie said that, as mothers, we need to slow down so we can catch moments as they come.
Tavah said her family has been trying to improve their family home evenings, and to not just do something fun but to share a spiritual message as part of family home evening. She has a 5-year-old son who is filled with energy and craziness, and Tavah has wondered at times if they were just wasting their time with FHE. Then one week her husband bore his testimony to the children, and they all sat and listened. She could see tears in her young son's eyes. He said he was feeling the Holy Ghost. Tavah noticed that it changed him. He behaved better than usual all week.
Alison said she loves to talk with her son Billy when she's driving her kids to and from school. She says he's always had such great insight, and she loves to share her ideas with him. It's rewarding to see him grow.
Kris lost her husband about a year ago. One day her daughter commented, "I wish I had Dad's tesimony." Then it so happened that Kris found where her husband had written his testimony in his missionary journal. She had a copy made for her children, so they could have Dad's testimony in his own words and his own writing. It means so much to them.
Betsy said that we bear our testimonies in everyday expressions of gratitude for our Heavenly Father. It doesn't always have to be formal.
Use the Church's Support Network
Elder Perry said, "[P]arents can fully avail themselves of the Church's support network, communicating with their children's Primary teachers, youth leaders, ad class and quorum presidencies. By communicating with those who are called and set apart to work with their children, parents an provide essential understanding of a child's special and specific needs."
In a former ward of Emily's, one of the youth forgot that it was his week to give a talk in in sacrament meeting. He got up anyway, said that he'd forgotten, and proceeded to give a rather awkward, uncomfortable talk, which he concluded by saying "wasn't much." A member of the stake presidency was a member of their ward and was seated on the stand. After the boy's talk, the leader stood and called the boy back to stand with him. Many ward members cringed, thinking perhaps this man was going to correct false doctrine or something and they just felt so bad for the boy. Instead, the member of the stake presidency showed true leadership and love by highlighting things that the boy had said that were important and true and good. He built him up and thanked him for his testimony and his willingness to speak when it wasn't comfortable for him. Wouldn't it be nice if we all knew we had someone like that to back us up?
Betsy encouraged us to express our thanks for the nursery and Primary teachers who do so much for our children. Once when she was a nursery leader, the parents of an 18-month-old girl brought her a Christmas present. It felt so nice to be remembered and appreciated.
Sue said teenagers can become "mother deaf," but sometimes you can speak with one of their youth leaders to help get an important message across. Youth leaders often have a connection with the teenagers.
Carrie said she's thankful for the support within our ward family. She has a 3-and-a-half year old daughter who is in Sunbeams and has a hard time adjusting to new situations. When they got to our ward, the Sunbeam teacher was so loving and welcoming. Then the children began to sing "I Am a Child of God." With that combination of a great teacher and familiar music, she was at ease. It's nice to "fit in" at church. (Carrie has been visiting our ward for a month, and we'll miss her!)
Karen said her heart is in Primary, but sometimes they just don't need her and she has to come to Relief Society. (And we love it when she does join us!) Children love so easily and share what is going on in their families. It's good to keep communication open with your children's Primary teachers, so they can support your family.
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Emily closed by saying that a strong family culture anchors us to our homes. She asked us to imagine Satan's fiery darts shooting at our families. A weak family culture might be like an apple, easily pierced. As we build strong family cultures, they are more like coconuts, with a hard shell to protect us from negative outside influences. We can use the suggestions provided by Elder Perry and our fellow Relief Society sisters to strengthen our family cultures and reap the blessings that Heavenly Father wants to give us.
